What about me? It isn't fair!

 
Ever have those moments when you’ve just had enough?  Where it feels like life has been a rollercoaster ride and you just want to stop the ride for a moment and get off?

And don’t you just love when at the moment, people tell you to think about what you have to be grateful for, to focus on the positive and maybe even to think about the people in that third world country and realise how fortunate you are.  Heck, I’ve even said that and I stand by all of those being great things to acknowledge.  But in that moment, it doesn’t really work, does it? 

And here’s why… it doesn’t address the reason you have those feelings in the first place.  And it assumes that the emotions you are feeling are negative and denies you the right to feel them and therefore you miss the amazing insights that they have for you.

Every behaviour has a positive intention and that includes those so called ‘negative’ emotions, anger, fear, sadness, resentment – all of them have a positive intention behind them.   And trying to ignore or distract yourself from them, doesn’t make them go away.  Instead, we need to learn to acknowledge those feelings and realise that they are like little messengers from our unconscious mind.  They carry important information for us.

All emotions arise for a reason and understanding those messages allows us an insight to our own psyche, our own wants and desires, our needs and values and our connection as a whole human being, integrated and aligned.
​
I can share with you what research suggests that signals these feelings to arise, but it’s important for you to acknowledge what they mean for you as a unique individual as they may be slightly different.  Let’s take a look at some examples of what messages emotions may have for you.

ANGER –
Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self – our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions – is being compromised in a relationship. Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortably do or give. Or, our anger may warn us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth. Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger preserves the very integrity of our self. Our anger can motivate us to say ‘no’ to the ways in which we are defined by others and ‘yes’ to the dictates of our inner self. (extract from Dr Harriet Lerner)

FEAR – 
Fear tells us we may be in danger and we have to react to the imminent threat. Failing to act, we could be in trouble.  It’s a self-preservation mechanism that comes up when things are unknown.  A biological response in built in to keep us safe.  But our unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined.  So check in, is the fear in response to real danger or to the movie you have playing in your mind? 

SADNESS –
Sadness is a live emotion that can serve to remind us of what matters to us, what gives our life meaning. As psychologist and author Robert Firestone, has pointed out, “When we feel sadness, it centres us.” 
It may also signal that you have an expectation that’s not being met or you have a sense of loss.   Evaluate whether there really is a loss.   Next, change your perception or change your way of communicating your needs or change your behaviour.
 
GUILT –
Guilt is a signal that you violated one of your own standards.  Don’t stay in guilt, but don’t deny it.  Make things right when you screw up. When you can’t change the past, change your present and future behaviours.  Recognise when you’re feeling guilty when you shouldn’t be, change your perception, and let it go.

​

There are obviously loads more emotions that one can feel, and lots of different things that they may be trying to communicate with you.  But if you are feeling that, “Why me?” take a look at what emotions are coming up for you and what they could be communicating.
 
And then once you have explored, accepted and let go of those emotions; consider asking yourself, “What can I appreciate about all of this now?”  and notice what happens.  You may be both suprised and delighted at how easily emotions can come and go and how wonderful it is to allow them to wash up over your and through you and just let them go.  You may notice how awesome emotions can be as a compass to get to know yourself and to really begin to navigate life based on what you want to have happen.

All of this reminds me of the movie, Inside Out, which explores the emotions of 11 year old Riley.  In the headquarters of Riley's mind, Joy is desperate for sadness to not take control... but ultimately, it comes to pass that sadness is experienced and that's when Joy realises that sadness is in fact what cultivates joy.  If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favour and sit down for an awesome insight into our beautiful minds.

I'd love to hear your take-aways, learning and experiences from this article. 

For more information on how NLP, Coaching and Hypnotherapy can assist you in releasing emotions that you have been holding on to and free you from that old baggage, email: tammy@tammybiton.com.au or book in for a free discovery session.
​​