Sometimes you have to feel it...

There are lessons everywhere, being offered to us in every moment if we just paid a little attention.  Being mindful of our emotions., allows for them to become an amazing guidance system for us, allowing us to deep dive into what's going on for us in our inner worlds.

So often we avoid pain, anger, fear, sadness, guilt (the whole array of negative emotions) because we don't want to feel bad.  So we simply ignore them, shut them down, suppress them, binge eat, have a few drinks.... anything other than allowing ourselves to feel them.

Sometimes I get so jealous when I see kids with their grandparents (specifically their Grandfather) because my own Dad died before my kids ever got to meet him.  And that makes me angry and sad and a whole spectrum of things.  Now, I could choose to suppress that or to feel it, to continue the grieving process and allow those feelings to wash up over me and through me.  To allow it to process through and begin to shift into love, gratitude and appreciation that I had such a wonderful Dad who would have been an amazing Granddad.  That I have three beautiful healthy happy children.  And to acknowledge that each and every day, the choices that I make about my own health and well-being may well impact whether I get to see my own Grandchildren or not (in many years to come, my oldest is only just about to turn 10).   This morning, I chose the latter.

You see, even our negative emotions have messages for us, communications about what is important to us, what matters and sometimes, triggers us to pull our head in and get back to what really matters.

So when you notice a negative emotion, sit with it for a moment, allow it like a wave to come and wash over you and then let it flow back to nothing, nothing, nothing.   And then allow the room for the new experience of emotions to come!  

Want to practice?  Next time you're feeling an unpleasant emotion, instead of pushing it away, try welcoming, acknowledging and letting it go with the following steps.  It should take you around 10 minutes.

Mindful Emotions Exercise:

1. Notice the emotion you are feeling, acknowledge it
   
   
2. Take a few nice slow, deep breaths - in and out
   
   
3. Scan your body from head to toe and notice what sensations are there, you may notice your heart beating or stomach churning or knotted or there may be an ache in your chest or a lump in your throat... without the need to reason, analyse, judge... just notice.
   
   
4. Find the sensation that is most uncomfortable and explore it with a little curiousity
   
   
5. Notice where the sensation starts and ends, does it have any size or shape? colour or texture? any movement? Does it have any temperature? Does it vary in intensity?  Just be curious and explore
   
   
6. Take a few deep breaths and allow those breaths to surrender with the sensation, allowing it to just be as you imagine your breath breathing in and around that sensation.  Without any need to be 'rid of' the emotion, allow it the space to be there
   
   
7. If your conscious mind begins to think, analyse, reason etc... simply say, thanks mind and come back to observing the sensation
   
   
8. You may find this difficult. You may feel a strong urge to fight with it or push it away. If so, just acknowledge this urge, without giving in to it. (Acknowledging is rather like nodding your head in recognition, as if to so "There you are, I see you") Once you've acknowledged that urge, bring yourself back to the sensation itself
   
   
9. Don't try to get rid of the sensation or alter it. If it changes by itself, that's ok. If it doesn't change, that's ok too. Changing or getting rid of it is not the goal
   
   
10. You may need to focus on this sensation for anything from a few seconds to a few minutes, until you completely give up the struggle with it. Be patient. Take as long as you need. You're learning a valuable skill
    
    
11. Once you've done this, scan your body again, and see if there's another strong sensation that's bothering you. If so, repeat the procedure with that one

You can do this with as many different sensations as you want to. Keep going until you have a sense of no longer struggling with your feelings

As you do this exercise, one of two things will happen: either your feelings will change - or they won't. It doesn't matter either way. This exercise is not about changing your feelings. Its about accepting them

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4 Quick Steps to Emotional Acceptance

1. OBSERVE: Bring awareness to the feelings in your body
2. BREATHE: Take a few deep breaths. Breathe into and around them
3. EXPAND: Make room for these feelings. Create some space for them
4. ALLOW: Allow them to be there. Make peace with them